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trangkaso = flu

NOTE: i just reread this post..some of it doesn’t make sense  really.. i’ll blame the flu. :)

that’s what i got. the flu. trangkaso.

i recently came back from leading a biblical tour through turkey. we journeyed the steps of st paul and 7 churches of revelation. i would have only DREAMED of going on a tour like this. but you know, being a missionary and all…the extra funds for these sorts of extracurricular activities are very slim.

so instead, i contacted my friend in turkey, he got me in touch with a tour agency there that does biblical tours, i signed people up and voila, i was able to go to Turkey. :) (if you want more details of how that works, or if you want to go on a tour, please email me!)

i came home after 10 days and thought i’d gotten off scotch free - you know, from “catching” soemthing on the plane.

ya…4 days later, i’m laid up in bed with the flu. and bad. achy body. headaches. fevers. razor sore throats. coughing. it ain’t pretty, friends. not one bit.

and to top it off, it’s the kids october break. NICE. mom’s sick and it’s october break. oh, and we have a team at Gentle Hands from Airdrie as well. talk about baaaaad timing. well at least they are gone for a few days with mom and dad heppner on the boat so all is not lost.

the first 2 days of this disgusting flu were pretty much sleeping and laying in a very still position. my beloved J has been AMAZING, serving me tea, and water and making sure i take my meds. he’s WAAAAAY better at taking care of me than i am of him. ;)

and today i am alone at home. j is at the office. the kids are still at sea. and i sit here on my bed. feeling better than i have felt in 3 days. that’s progress i suspose. :)

it’s in these quiet, made-to-rest moments, that i often wonder what it is that god wants to tell me. 

if you dont know me, i’m a go-go-go type person. i am always doing something. it’s not that i’m bored. i just have so many things i want to be a part of and do and….sigh. ya. ok, so i go-go-go a little too hard sometimes. maybe my body needs a rest. maybe my SOUL needs to reflect.

and so i am reflecting…

in conversation with a dear friend the other day, i had mentioned that sometimes i dont quite feel like i’m DOING what i should be. or maybe i should be DOING more, or DOING something different. or… a sense of wondering what it is i’m to be DOING plagues my heart often. she later texted me something that i have been chewing on:

it is not always in the doing, that our work is done, sometimes it is the being of who God’s created us to be in each moment.

i have been chewing on this for days. and lo and behold, being in the state that i am in physically - weak - my mind is feeling very vulnerable to the lies of “you dont accomplish anything”…”look at you…you arent anything but a high school graduate”…”you think doing all this stuff you are involved in is gonna make you a better person? ha”…and the list goes on.

fortunately i’m aware enough that it’s an attack from the enemy who really would like me to be paralyzed in these lies. and to believe them would indeed paralyze me.

and so i sit and chew some more….

who am i? who has God made me to be?

first of all, i’m his daughter. i am a child of God. i have been set free from so many crappy things. i have been filled with peace and joy that i can’t describe. i have freedom to be all God has created me to be.

then i began to think about who i am…

i am a daughter.

i am a mom.

i am a wife.

i am a sister.

i am an aunt.

i am a cousin.

i am a friend.

wow. just those alone…those right there…without DOING anything, that’s a heck of a lot of things i am.

so what is it that god has created in me to be? 

i think i’m a good friend. an encourager. a helper. 

and i stop right there. what if, WHAT IF, those right there is what i’m supposed to be DOING?

none of the other stuff that goes on my to-do list (dont get me wrong, the stuff on the to-do list will get done) cannot drive me and i cannot find my identity in the to-do’s but in the who am i and what God has made me to be.

WHOA.

and so that is where i am at today at 6pm…alone in my house. recovering from trangkaso. 

but it is good. and He is great.

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